Yes some people really are incapable of understanding other people’s feelings. So we deny, deceive ourselves, overfunction and endlessly suffer. The stark reality is that our loved one lacks compassion and we may be too horror stricken to recognize that fact. Even when our loved one is sober, law-abiding, and apparently well-functioning, we may be living in anguish with a person who is incapable of change and relational sensitivity. We may communicate our feelings, ask for behavior change, lose our composure, manipulate for better results, or even threaten to leave. In an effort to lessen our ordeal we may attempt to change our soulless loved one. We may feel disoriented, duped, exploited, overburdened, and depressed from such experiences as we overly blame ourselves for the insensitivity of a clueless loved one. Whether it’s a parent, partner or child, a soulless family member may take an enormous toll on us. Our family member may be persistently incapable of understanding his or her emotional impact on others and lack a conscience. Nearly all of us have loved one who “just doesn’t get it.” Although he or she may appear to be the answer to our dreams, something basic is missing. I married Same because he was predictable, not because he was capable of love.” Soullessness in a relationship Rather than lose any more of my identity I left Sam. My teddy bear had become a grizzly bear squeezing the life out of me. Even so I constantly doubted my own sanity and blamed myself for Sam’s coldness. The worst part was Sam’s indifference to my tears and his denial of his contribution to our marital woes. He insisted on our going to bed each night at 10, always wanted to schedule our weekend activities for the two of us, and micromanaged our finances to the penny. However Sam’s rigidity and control over our life together became extreme. I thought he was just nervous and I didn’t make a big deal of it. This absolutely hot guy didn’t want to have sex with me. The first sign of trouble came on our honeymoon. At first Sam worshipped me and was very agreeable. His lack of social skills was no big deal since I had enough pizazz for the two of us. He seemed like an old-fashioned guy, someone you bring home to mom and dad. As a young ad rep believe me I met my share of players and I wanted someone stable - someone really stable! Initially Sam’s boyish charm and conventionality stole my heart. Leave him alone.” Did I listen to them? No I didn’t. “My life was going great until one day at the office this good looking guy, Sam, a computer consultant, came on our floor and I just couldn’t keep my eyes off of him.
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